Runboard.com
Слава Україні!



Runboard.com       Registered Members Will See No Ads - CLICK TO REGISTER FOR FREE  LOGIN

 
sasastro Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Member
 


Registered: 11-2005
Location: LaLa Land
Posts: 25
Reply Quote
a gift from my board


Funny things to do at a funeral

    * Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make love with you.

    * Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find your contact lens.

    * Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.

    * Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.

    * Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.

    * At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.

    * Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.

    * Ask the widow to give you a kiss.

    * Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.

    * Tell the undertaker that your dog just past away and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.

    * Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.

    * Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.

    * Leave some phoney dog poop on top of the deceased.

    * Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.

    * Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.

    * Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.

    * Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.

    * Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.

    * Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debts.

    * Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.

    * Put crazy-glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss.

    * Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.

    * If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.

    * When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.

    * Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.

    * At the cemetary take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.

    * Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.

    * Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes

    * Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.

---

20/Apr/06, 19:51 Link to this post Email   PM  Blog
 
Rimmer Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Administrator
 


Registered: 04-2003
Location: Straylia
Posts: 482
Reply Quote
Re: a gift from my board


Remind me not to invite you to my funeral... emoticon

---
Build A Better Board

21/Apr/06, 0:37 Link to this post   Blog
 
sasastro Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Member
 


Registered: 11-2005
Location: LaLa Land
Posts: 25
Reply Quote
Re: a gift from my board


 emoticon I laugh every time I read number 3

---

21/Apr/06, 0:41 Link to this post Email   PM  Blog
 
Rimmer Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

Administrator
 


Registered: 04-2003
Location: Straylia
Posts: 482
Reply Quote
Re: a gift from my board


* Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.

That reminds me of Steven Wright's "I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. " emoticon

---
Build A Better Board

21/Apr/06, 0:44 Link to this post   Blog
 


Add Reply






You are not logged in (LOGIN)